Aigis feels as though she has the most cause in the world to feel that, at the same time as she wonders if she really does. It is difficult. Humans have so many words that mean so much and yet they can never pin them down. What is angry? What is sad? Is sadness at death truly the same as sadness that there is rain falling from the sky? Is all guilt the same?
Things are easy, before. Simple. Aigis does not know what to do with the feelings she can barely name. She tries to categorise them: this is guilt. This is sadness. This is ?longing?. This is anger. This is what it feels like to fail. This is what ?his smile? makes her feel. What is that?
They fix her slowly. She tracks the process with ?mixed feelings? -- there is guilt, which she is sure of, and the ?longing?, and she ?misses? the other members of SEES.
When they tell her she is whole again, she does not feel it. She feels reluctance, strong and clear -- she does not want to leave, does not want to face them. But she does miss them, she wants to see them.
"I am ready," she says, and despite her uncertainty the words come out smoother, easier, than they ever have before. It ?frightens? her, a little.
Humans are ?brave?. She must be, too. She must see him. Slowly, she turns to face her feelings, accepts them. Says goodbye to hesitation. She is Aigis: she may have feelings now, but she cannot simply run away, despite that. They might require her assistance.
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dancing_serpent
Aigis
Date: 2009-02-17 10:28 am (UTC)Aigis feels as though she has the most cause in the world to feel that, at the same time as she wonders if she really does. It is difficult. Humans have so many words that mean so much and yet they can never pin them down. What is angry? What is sad? Is sadness at death truly the same as sadness that there is rain falling from the sky? Is all guilt the same?
Things are easy, before. Simple. Aigis does not know what to do with the feelings she can barely name. She tries to categorise them: this is guilt. This is sadness. This is ?longing?. This is anger. This is what it feels like to fail. This is what ?his smile? makes her feel. What is that?
They fix her slowly. She tracks the process with ?mixed feelings? -- there is guilt, which she is sure of, and the ?longing?, and she ?misses? the other members of SEES.
When they tell her she is whole again, she does not feel it. She feels reluctance, strong and clear -- she does not want to leave, does not want to face them. But she does miss them, she wants to see them.
"I am ready," she says, and despite her uncertainty the words come out smoother, easier, than they ever have before. It ?frightens? her, a little.
Humans are ?brave?. She must be, too. She must see him. Slowly, she turns to face her feelings, accepts them. Says goodbye to hesitation. She is Aigis: she may have feelings now, but she cannot simply run away, despite that. They might require her assistance.
"I am ready," she says again, to the world.